one identity crisis at a time, baby

I’ve spent a couple of days—and oh my god, but does it feel so much longer—in some state of despair, confusion, indignation, fear. And I thought, in those small moments, that maybe I would have to be quiet, tone myself down, unsure if I could continue writing what I want, what matters to me, because… well, if you know you know.

But that’s what they want—for us to be quiet, complacent, no fuss no muss no stake in the game because we have no way to win it. Puh-lease, as if, and go fuck yourself. I don’t want to give them jack shit, least of all my energy, my nerves, and my faith in humanity.

I don’t believe in censorship in the media. I’m not going to do it in my own life.

I’m not going to change a thing about myself, except to be more of myself.

I’m going to wear my rainbow outfits, and I’m going to make my books more queer (not sure how that’s possible, since my books are all about Being Queer, but—). I’m not going to keep my mouth politely shut when some friend-of-a-friend loudmouths their microaggressions and bigotry, because there is no “agree to disagree” when it comes to people’s right to be a person, and you don’t get to decide who they are.

That doesn’t feel like a lot, sometimes. But it’s what I know I can do.

Mr. Rogers said, “Some days, doing ‘the best we can’ may still fall short of what we would like to be able to do, but life isn’t perfect on any front—and doing what we can with what we have is the most we should expect of ourselves or anyone else.”

We don’t all have the resources, the platform, the ability to make change on some great grand world-defying scope. But that’s not how change happens anyway. It’s in every little thing you do to make life softer, safer, better for even just one person—and at some point, those little things do big things. You just have to keep it up. For me, that means showing the people that need a safe space, that I’m a safe person to come to.

I’m not going to pretend that things are okay. But I’m going to believe that they will be, and I’m going to work towards that future.