one identity crisis at a time, baby

…but.

Turns out I can’t just not think about it until it goes away. No, I’ve been distracted by this bullshit for days that feel like weeks, the way they’re dragging through the emotional chaos of my brain chemicals. I’ve hit my threshold for “attempting to ignore it but can’t,” so here I am, still in my pajamas and last night’s topknot, riding on nothing but the energy drink at my elbow and the ardent hope that talking about this will purge it from my psyche, because frankly I have more important things to do this week than worry about what some ignorant hag thinks about my sexuality.

But first I have to banish her abject dumbassery out of my orbit. And that means writing it all down.

Andbutso before anyone goes off about “Stop giving her a platform, this is what she wants”—as so many comments were floating around on these articles by Them, Out, and PinkNews (and another PinkNews)—she already has a platform. She’s J.K. Rowling, once-beloved children’s author turned incomprehensible embarrassment whose cruelty is so caricatured she sounds like Mean Girl #2 in a Disney Channel Original Movie.

There’s nothing I, small-time author who doesn’t even keep up with her own blog on any sort of schedule, can do to amplify her voice. She’s already very loud, and—I’ll say it again, because it bears repeating—stone-cold embarrassing, the way you’re embarrassed when you reflect on all the wannabe edgy takes you shared with the class in junior high.

That, ultimately, is my point. I’m not going to quote or screenshot every one of her Tweets, I’m not going to that much trouble, and I’d rather direct traffic to the links above; Them, Out, and PinkNews got the receipts covered.

I, however, just need to vent because I Cannot Believe how absolutely cartoonish this grown woman’s vendetta against people who have nothing to do with her is.

And, you know, it’s really rich how you wanna tell the people who are getting bullied that their bully has the right to express their opinion and we should just ignore it.

Like. No? Anyway, tried that, didn’t work, fuck off.

Aphobia (you guessed it: discrimination against people on the asexual spectrum) is serious, it sucks, it’s dangerous, and it needs to be addressed. Like any orientation, asexuality should be understood and celebrated. Hence the reason for the International Asexuality Day that JKR doesn’t want to hear about—in which case? Maybe log off the internet, Joanne. Your self-allotted screentime is obviously too much for you.

Did her comments bother me? Yeah, duh, that’s why I’m here. Her blatant ignorance is nothing new, nothing the ace spec community hasn’t heard before, nothing we’re not completely tired of. She’s borrowing dialogue from every fuckboy on Tinder who thinks you just need to get dicked down and you’ll be “cured.”

…Which, by the way, is the purported logic behind corrective rape. So. Nice feminism you got there, Joanne.

Asexuality is an umbrella term for a wider community of asexuals, demisexuals (present!), graysexuals, and other ace spec identities. Like sexuality in general, it’s fluid, there is no end-all definition, no hard-and-fast rules or “right way” to do it.

How few problems do you have to have in your life to care about someone else’s sexual identity? I’m so tired of asking this question, I feel like I’m going up-the-wall bananas. Who gives a fuck!!!!!!! What are you accomplishing, Joanne and the rest of you fuckin’ clowns who think your Twitter replies are so robustly clever and insightful when in fact this is the true definition of “cringe”, except running lines for your audition as the villain in a CW teen drama?

I can’t believe I’m even sitting here talking about this. I have a job.

I’m not surprised that JKR has launched another tirade against another subset of the queer community. Her understanding of sexuality seems to have been born and raised on Glee, which might have been doing something at the time but its strict dichotomy of “gay and straight, nothing else” hasn’t aged well. It’s just not how any of this works.

She’s not an ally. She doesn’t like any of us, whatever she’s said about her support of certain LGBTQ+ identities. Because that’s the thing—you don’t get to just pick certain ones. You don’t get to decide what sexualities are acceptable to you and then the rest shouldn’t exist. That’s not support, that’s not allyship, that’s like the antithesis of community.

But, really, this doesn’t surprise me. None of her hateful rhetoric does. This is the woman who gave a redemption arc to a Nazi, like… Badda-bing, badda-boom, shoulda seen this coming.

(Whatever your feelings on Snape, look, the allusions to World War II and Nazism are so obvious they’re barely even allusions, it’s just the plain ol’ heart and soul of the Voldemort storyline.)

It is funny, though, how JKR said she wants to launch a “Bored of This Shit Day,” when that’s exactly how we feel whenever she shares another misinformed opinion no one asked for.

We were bored of your shit first, Joanne. So. Good luck with continuing to be a dumbass forever, I guess.

And for my fellow aspecs, and those who are questioning, anyone who was hurt or felt invalidated or even more confused by this conversation that this egotistical bigot hijacked because she’s essentially that unfunny friend who thinks she’s funny but really she just gets mildly tipsy and uses it as an excuse to be a total dick—

(Holy run-on sentence, Batman, that might be my most impressive one to date.)

(Anyway!)

Your feelings are real, your identity exists, there are so many of us out here with you. You are queer, you belong in this community, and you don’t have to define yourself by anyone else’s expectations.

To borrow my own words from the preface of my first book (which I would link because its representation and exploration of demisexuality makes it relevant, but we’re still in the process of reissuing via my new publisher, so, stay tuned):

In my own journey into the queer experience, sexuality has existed on a spectrum. I’ve found that there are always going to be exceptions and outliers and things that confuse you into an identity crisis.

Labels aren’t a box you’re not allowed to leave—they’re just one piece of your puzzle, a means to start understanding and accepting yourself, but not The Thing to live and die by.

You contain multitudes, babe! Don’t let how you think you’re “supposed to be” dictate what you’re allowed to want.

…Welp. I think that about does it for me on this one. Haters, get a life. Loveys, party on.